Struggling with impatience these days. Impatience with my sobriety and impatience with my expectations of life in general.
There is a running joke about how people get to their 30s or 40s and realize they’ve either lost sight of their dreams or real life did not turn out be what they imagined.
With my program, I’ve learned that things won’t happen overnight and that I may have to go through the motions before I see or feel results. I guess the same will happen with my personal and spiritual transformation. Maybe those two items are not different.
I’ve been told everything happening right now is meant to be exactly as it is. So my desires and personal needs (from my standpoint) get put on the back burner. Or, maybe I manifest them myself. Stop depending on others to fill my glass; I’ll need to do it myself from now on.
Probably I am over analyzing but I feel like I should act like when I was single. I’m going to have to not only care for myself but have no expectations. If my spouse helps me, great. If not, I will have to find a way to help myself, on my own, without complaint. Be that independent woman I was not too long ago and do it.
For so long I interpreted my actions by not being so stubborn in asking for help. And now, I’ve asked for so much help, I’ve turned lazy and too dependent.
Here’s hoping this is my rock bottom- that it’s not going to take getting a DUI or losing my job or family in order to hit it.